A dispatch guy who answers the phone for a taxi company blogs about the doofs he meets. The following "irate customer meets 'talk like a pirate day'" section is in honour of Scott.

ME: Blank Top, your phone number please?
GUY: Yeah, I have a complaint about one of your drivers, and your fucking manager isn't answering his phone!
ME: Yeah, I don't think he's in right now, if you leave a message on there he'll . . .
GUY: NO, I want to talk to a person! This guy almost made me wreck and I want him fired!
ME: The best I can do is bitch him out over the radio, what's his cab number?
GUY: I don't know what his fucking cab number was!
ME: Well, I mean, if you didn't get his cab number, then how do we know which guy to yell at?
GUY: Just figure it out from your GPS locater, it was like five minutes ago on 66 near Lee Highway.
ME: Uh, we don't have anything like that, we're pretty stick and rudder over here. I have no way of figuring out what driver you had a problem with.
GUY: Well I want to file a complaint anyway!
ME: . . . How? You don't know what driver it was.
GUY: Just a general complaint!
ME: Okay . . . let me transfer you to our general complaints manager.
Ordinarily I'd just hang up on this jackass, but in honor of the holiday, I put him on hold for a minute to pump myself up and get into character. Since I already know everything he is going to say I've got him dead to rights.
ME: Yarrrrr, this be the Cap'n, what de ye be needin' matey?
GUY: . . . . Uh, hello?
ME: Ahoy matey, the bosun tells me ye be havin' a problem with one o' me lads.
GUY: . . . Uh, yeah . . . I had a problem with one of your drivers?
ME: What did he be doin', says I?
GUY: He . . . uh . . . He almost ran me off the road . . .
ME: ARRRRR!!! That scurvy bilge rat! Give te me his numbarrr, and I'll be havin' him walk the plank 'afore the first bell o' the evenin' watch!
GUY: Uh . . . why are you talking like a pirate?
ME: Arrrr . . . I had a stroke.
GUY: Oh.
ME: So what be the number o' the tar that almost made ye founder?
GUY: Uh . . . I didn't GET the cab number, actually . . .
ME: Aye, but if ye don't know the number of the blaggart that dropped ye in his wake , how do we be findin' him says I?
GUY: Uhm, I just wanted to . . . you know . . . generally complain about your drivers.
ME: Shiver me timbers! There may be a scurvy swab 'er two in me crew, but we can't keel haul 'em all just on account that ye didn't like the cut o' one of 'ems jib!
GUY: Yeah, well, this guy was very dangerous and you should find out who he is and pull him off the road.
ME: Arrr, well next time one 'o me brigs bow rakes ye, mind ye read his flags!
GUY: Sure, whatever. (hangs up)[source]